Pink paint and fake cookies

Here's a picture of what we've been up to, since the last blog. The nursery is coming along and looks just as I hoped it would. Olivier did such a good job in figuring out how to accomplish what was in my head! As we were painting I was really hoping that we are truly having a girl--if not, the boy will really have a unique personality because we're not doing this again!

Last weekend I hosted another craft group with the girls in the neighborhood. It was a bit more mellow than the past meetings have been. We made bracelets with cool beads and experimented with patterns. The girls seemed to really enjoy it. What they didn't enjoy were the fake oreo cookies I got them from Trader Joes. They were appalled that I would get them such a disgusting snack. The cookies were peppermint "oreos". At first their hatred was cute, but then I started to wonder why I do this?

This was a small incident that sparked a lot of thought for me. At the end of the day, I felt like I needed to be more grateful in my life. The process of gratitude is a battle at times. The process begins in denying your flesh so that you can inwardly praise and express to the living God gratitude for who He is and what He is capable of. The longer I delay gratitude, the harder it is to turn to God. I also realized how much joy it must give God to hear praises of gratitude from us. I know that I would have liked to hear a few, for the measley oreos I offered the girls. :) So the reason I "do this" group, is probably for me to experience negative feedback, to enjoy the laughter and to wrestle with it all day long. Usually I end up praising God for his incredible love--and that is the best ministry I could ever think of.

Wow, so it's been awhile!

I was skeptical of our blogging abilites! So sorry that it's been awhile!

Many things have happened in the last 5 months. One of the biggest events seems to be that I am finding myself 5 months pregnant! That's right, we're having a baby! Discovering the pregnancy was a bit of a shock and really rocked my world for awhile. I don't think there has been any other event in my life that has changed me so quickly.

Everything has gone exceptionally well! It got even better when we learned that we're having a girl. I was secretly praying ferverently for a girl and am so thankful! Olivier is operating like a true hero. He's been wonderful to me. I can't wait to see him with a daughter. She already has his heart, I can tell!

We are balancing the usual stresses of a baby like finances, locations and emotions. More than anything, I feel a close presence of the Lord. Never before have I felt like God is my friend. I've felt His gentleness and his authority over my life. I've given over all my trust and hope to him. Some days I feel utterly useless and other days I stand in awe of how He orchestrates my days. Olivier and I both agree that we are living in a miracle. As I type this, I feel our little girl moving and kicking. There are few words.

Here is the latest ultrasound picture. I promise to keep this up more regularly!

And that's what they thought of that...

This is a picture of my view during the annual Starfish Studios screening. These sweet little girls were sitting in front of us, whispering, spilling soda and giggling. I wanted to be annoyed but there was something really special about them. They took care of each other and enjoyed each other's presence. I don't even think they knew what they were watching, but they had fun. And when Olivier got up to receive an award...this is what I saw.

exploring chicago

Here's a a collection of photos that we've taken recently. We don't get to enjoy the city as much as we should! It has been our goal to get out! Chicago in the summertime is so wonderful!

We are also fascinated by weird signs around the city. Here's one that I see every day I drive home. It makes me laugh everytime.



This is a ticket booth from the World's Fair! Isn't it awesome!


This is a picture of Rick Bayless, the famous Mexican chef. He's one of my favorites. We saw him at a craft fair doing a cooking demo. I was in heaven, especially when we got to taste the cooking!

it's going to be a beautiful birthday...

This is a lovely photo that Olivier made for me. I thought I'd share it with you...

how beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news!

Shortly after moving into the neighborhood, God put it on my heart to host a monthly group for young girls in the neighborhood. I started thinking of it because I overheard a conversation between a mom and daughter at Breakthrough. The daughter was telling her mom she needed to sew a costume for school. The mom laughed hysterically and said "no way, I can't sew". This conversation really got me thinking. How will these young girls know if they're good at anything? Are they using their hands, their creativity?

To make a long story short, God provided a team, ideas and 12 wonderful girls for the group. In May we hosted our first group. It was awesome. I really feel like God has a plan for this group. There is really something special about using your hands, talking and learning to be friends. We decorated flip flops and read the scripture about "How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news". These little girls mean a lot to me. They have confirmed to me that God can use anyone. That he loves everyone and wants good for everyone. He never gives up. I am so humbled.

I have lots of dreams for us as a group, but for now I'm indulging in the blessing and gearing up to make toothbrush braclets! Praise God, he is so good!










Isaiah 52:6-8 (MSG)
How beautiful on the mountains
are the feet of the messenger bringing good news,
Breaking the news that all's well,
proclaiming good times, announcing salvation,
telling Zion, "Your God reigns!"
Voices! Listen! Your scouts are shouting, thunderclap shouts,
shouting in joyful unison.
They see with their own eyes
God coming back to Zion.
Break into song! Boom it out, ruins of Jerusalem:
"God has comforted his people!
He's redeemed Jerusalem!"
God has rolled up his sleeves.
All the nations can see his holy, muscled arm.
Everyone, from one end of the earth to the other,
sees him at work, doing his salvation work.

I have a little something to add

I've been tempted to erase my last posting about the air conditioning, because i sound so materialistic. Here's the truth--i truly was upset about the AC, I felt vandalized and it's hot here. I've been praying for God to cleanse my heart of sins of racism, entitlement, etc. Obviously, He's been listening.

Well, I just have to add that two days after it happened, my good friend gave us a spare AC window unit. I looked at it and knew that it was straight from heaven. What you may not know is that I HATE being hot. Sometimes it even makes me panicky--so I knew God was being mindful of me.

Even though the situation is unpleasant, you must know how good, gentle and kind our God is. I have nothing to complain about.

Can I change my mind?

so our air conditioning got vandalized. Big whoop right? $2,000--that's right three zeros... I am so mad. Apparently the copper is worth money. I am so mad, i don't feel like dealing with this. Do we have to grow up, can I go back? Is it worth it?

Where's happiness?

Lately, I've been having reminiscing moments. For instance, this week I keep getting the feeling of Paris. I've been remembering the aesthetics of it and longing to experience it again. The one place that I always want to remember is Seattle. The fresh air, the salt water, the coffee...mmmm. Here are some of my favorite places... Where's your favorite place?

a good kind of love

Nikki is a single mother of three... Atiya, Devin, and Naima, the first two are stars in this years movie class. Naima is not old enough to be in the class yet, but she attends every week, why, because her mom brings her. Nikki sits in and supervises every single class and stays there to be a part of what her kids are doing. She could walk home with her youngest one, she's only a few houses away from Breakthrough, but she stays. At first I was nervous of the scrutiny. In most of the cases the parents just let their kids run out the door, and often try to add their cousins and siblings also, but Nikki hasn't missed a single movie class. Three weeks ago at movie class she was exhausted with a cold, and was in the middle of doing laundry for those kids... I couldn't even imagine it, but she was there.

A few Saturdays ago at a film shoot her daughter was in a scuffle with another kid. She called me that night to try to figure out what was going on and what the plan of action would be, turns out the other kid is in her class at school and has been a problem for months now. She asked for that child's number and who her parents were. I knew that from previous attempts it was going to be really hard to get a hold of her parents, and I couldn't help but feel a little hopeless about it. I told her that we would support her and make every effort to back her up in what she chose to do. She wasn't able to get a hold of the other child's family over the phone, but saw did her at school the next day and had a talk with her, not much in the way of progress though.

The next movie class the following Tuesday we were talking about Mother relationships and the role they have in the family (this year's theme is the family). I had asked Nikki months before to share a testimony about how she provides for her kids and what redeeming love was. We screened "Madea's Family Reunion", showing clips of how Madea fosters a child, gives her provision, and ultimately redeems her life, making her one of the family. Nikki shared how she was alone as a single mother, and on disability, that when there is just one cookie left, it goes to her kids... She talked about how God had used her Grandmother and mother to show her what a Godly women was like. Her life lesson she says was "always keep your object in view" meaning not to loose sight of what was important. Her daughter Atiya sat in the front beaming with pride. I looked over at the girl she had been fighting with, she was hanging on her every word.

The kids listened to her with intent and wonder (more attention than I seem to get). At the end one of the youngest girls raised her hand and asked, "Mrs. Nikki, what is the biggest challenge of being a mother." That's when she explained that she had MS, and was always scared that at any time she could loose control of her nervous system and control of her body. I had no idea, I was stunned. Yet there she is every week, sitting at the back of the class room holding her youngest daughter, waiting until she's old enough to be in the acting games. What a call God has put on this women's life, I question how I would I hold up under those circumstances, I doubt as well and with as much hope and faith that Nikki displays.

This past weekend we had another shoot with the same group of kids. We had prayed that God would heal the situation between Nikki's daughter and the other child in the group. I had talked with both of them the week before and finally said, "listen, you don't even have to like each other or be friends, but you have to figure out a way to work together to get this movie made." During the lunch break the two of them went off together and sat down to have pizza... I overheard them gossiping about another girl at school (I let it slide because at least they were talking). I asked them, "So what's up, every thing cool with you guys?" they just shrugged and acted like I was a fool for asking. I looked over at the other volunteers who also had been working with the situation and none of us could believe what was going on. It seems, miraculously, that they just decided to be friends,

I know God had heard our prayers, but I'm also sure that it was the love of a mother, somehow in the way those kids were listening to a loving mother talk about how she can't control her own body, but would give anything for her kids... somehow it redeemed that relationship. I can't explain why I think that, but there is something about sacrificial love that makes the broken whole...

4.18.07

In 2002 when Colleen first moved to Chicago I had just started volunteering with Starfish. I wasn’t part of the movie class but was helping by doing graphic design for the year end screening. We were running late and had to take a cab into the neighborhood, at that time Starfish was working with the North of Howard kids in a neighborhood called “The Juneway Jungle”. We didn’t know exactly where the building was and just asked to be dropped off by the El stop. I got out and looked around, it was a little overwhelming, I didn’t see any white people, just blacks, except for three or four cop cars with officers hangin around the street. I didn’t know which way to walk, and Colleen clutched my arm, fresh from Colorado. After looking around a little bit, a cop whistled at us and called us over. “what are you guys doin’ here?” he asked. I told him we were lost so he says… “Well, see that corner over there, don’t you dare go past that, and don’t hang out here either, get your change and get outta here?” why I asked, wondering if it really was a bad neighborhood. “they don’t call it the Jungle for nothing” he says, and made promises of the lurking danger.

Colleen and I both had a freak out right on the spot, we were so scared I remember my heart racing and looking around I assumed everyone there was going to jump me, every person became a crook, every kid was suspicious, we walked fast, I was panicked and looking back with every step…

The following year was my first full year in Starfish. That summer we shot a movie called “The Sidewalk” out there on the streets, one intersection down from where that cop had said “they don’t call it the jungle for nuthin” Two white guys and an army of black kids shot a movie about the lies and deceitfulness that pit one person against another. Never once was there a problem on those streets. When people came up to talk us it was because they were interested in what we were doing and wanted to be in the movie, except for the cops who came and tried to shut down our shoot.

Colleen is taking an urban/social class on the neighborhood that’s being offered by Breakthrough. Last night they went to the local precinct to see the holding cells and talk to the officers. They were shown maps f the drug zones in the neighborhood, and the hot spots for gangs… apparently our house is in the middle of one those marked off areas. They were told that there are 65,000 people living in our ward, and that 27,000 of them have been previously arrested. The officer warned not to move into the neighborhood, too many drugs, too many gangs, and not enough hope.

Tonight we got home and there was a kid in our alley with his dog. I had seen him before from our deck, three houses over in a muddy yard with a big white church van, windows taped up. His dog was mean and vicious. I stood behind the safety of our linked gate and asked him what kind of dog it was. “German Shepard… his name is Unassuming” he said… I tried to start some chit-chat. I couldn’t figure him out right away, was he a punk kid or what.

Hi sister Lawanda comes skipping down and embraces the dog and says hi. The dog was growling and jumping at me, but loving to her. I asked if I could open the gate, they said to wait while the put the dog up.
Lawanda is 25, the oldest of the Kelly family… she has 14 younger siblings, they have the house two up from us, and also another house around the corner, their family is so big they have two houses. The kid was her brother, Ray, seventeen and already in college, he wants to be a cinematographer, so I told him about starfish and next thing you know I’m inviting him on a shoot and to come check out the movie class.

Two minutes earlier I had supposed he was a punk and was trying to decide if it was safe for Colleen if I opened the gate to talk to this stranger in our alley, I guess the stats and diagrams from the night before at the police station had affected me too. We went on to talk for fifteen minutes and joked about how we should have all seventeen of them over for dinner in our little place.

When we walked upstairs, started to put groceries away, I thought, “you know Colleen, in all the neighborhoods we’ve lived in, and in every apartment, that was hands down the most open and inviting conversation we’ve had with any of our past neighbors…” she agreed.

I don’t know if I’ll ever figure out why that officer said “They don’t call it the jungle for nuthin…” one thing is for sure though, until I started hanging out with those kids up there, I was genuinely scared to head up that way.

Here's our new condo building...

Our mad, mad mission...

It is a strange feeling to be misplaced. About two months ago God spoke to me during a time when I felt a lot of uneasiness. I prayed over what I thought God had told me. I started obeying Him and pursuing Him. Before I knew it God had us packed up in a moving van, going to the westside of Chicago, with a mission.

I knew the mission wasn't going to be easy, but I never guessed I would feel as misplaced as I do. Perhaps that feeling is just what God wanted to accomplish? Perhaps a mission, doesn't mean that you accomplish anything? Maybe a mission is just putting your conviction into action? Maybe a mission is 10% obedience and 90% patience.

Last night I clung to the book of Isaiah. I started realizing that God is the one who deserves glory. And I really want Him to have the glory for whatever He will accomplish with us being in this new neighborhood. This verse was particularly comforting to me:

Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland. Isaiah 43:18-19

"Springs Up", it certainly does! During this time of transition and adjustment, I just pray for grace. I pray that the mission won't die, that fear won't creep in, that strength will come. Will it?

Its a mad mission
Under difficult conditions
Not everybody makes it
To the loving cup
Its a mad mission
But I got the ambition
Mad, mad mission
Sign me up
–Patty Griffin

What's in the future for Garfield Park?

I was amazed as I stumbled on this old picture of Garfield Park. It's amazing to think about how neighborhoods change, how we change too.